I guess we'll start again

We lost our little one last weekend.

I had been bleeding and ended up in urgent care, where I got an ultrasound that showed the baby was only measuring 4 weeks, when I should have measured 7. I think that was when I knew that things weren't going to end well, but Scott kept up a positive attitude and only realized that things were ending after a visit to the OB where he laid out our options. We chose to wait and let my body take care of everything rather than have surgery, then went to Seattle for two days to see my aunt and goddaughter, which was wonderful--it was the best way to keep our minds off of things, even though we discussed it a lot with my aunt, and later, my parents. The night before Halloween, we were at my parents house for dinner and I started cramping, and after 3 hours, I told Scott that I needed to go home. I got in the tub for another hour or so, and when I got up to use the bathroom, I knew that I had miscarried.

I cried a lot, Scott cried, but we are both resolved to move on and not let this have any effect on our next pregnancy. We're praying that my hormone levels drop to where they need to be to get my body back to normal, and then we'll start trying again! We will have our baby, eventually, but this first pregnancy and child I will always carry in my heart.